BarbaWire, Jan. 27

Samoas Are Safe
Here we are thinking the world is on the mend. Turns out in this economy not even Girl Scouts can catch a break! Girl Scout cookies are getting scaled back, with some cookies getting dropped. OK, calm down, this is not going to be like the Mother’s Cookies panic of 2009. They are just getting rid of the ones that no one likes. Or more importantly they are not getting rid of the ones I like. (Having said that, who is slangin’GS cookies in Chi?) More.

This story, however, fails to answer the age-old question: Are they made with real girl scouts?


Smiley Sam
It is all double rainbows and unicorns for billionaire Sam Zell. Zell tells Forbes that entrepreneurs like him are always optimists. Entrepreneurs don’t do failure, ok?
Zell famously acquired media company Tribune Co. in a leveraged buyout in 2007 that ultimately landed the company in bankruptcy in late 2008.
Yeah, that was not a failure at all. It was an epic effing disaster. More.
Zell also told Forbes that “The media loves nothing more than to cover the media. . . . I just don't need to be the media's bitch anymore."
I don’t know if I would call you our "bitch," little buddy. We just don’t like when you talk to one of us like this.


Shut Up and Squat
I like the frills at my gym. And I will like them more when all the resolvers get the hell out of there. More.

High Time
One day back in 1979 Mark Steven Phillips decided he didn’t feel going to court. He was on trial with 13 others for his involvement in pot smuggling with the “Black Tuna Gang” in South Florida.
Phillips spent the next 31 years on the lam, living in Chile, Germany, New York City and eventually working his way back down to West Palm Beach where he got a driver’s license with his real name. He was even living in Del Boca Vista!

Well, he was busted. The judge he stood up 31 years ago has been waiting for him. More.

Related, (well, sorta. I just didn't want to write two pot headlines): Mexican authorities have seized a catapult that was used to get dope across the U.S. border. So, you’re telling me that a device from the Middle Ages is a great solution to clear a national defense barrier also from the Middle Ages (and earlier)? Huh, who knew? More.

That's What She Said
Will Ferrell has signed on for a four-episode arc on The Office. Steve Carell is leaving the show and Ferrell will be in charge for at least one episode. I am trying to decide if Ferrell is more of an Olivia or a cousin Pam on the jump-the-shark meter? More.