BarbaWire, Jan. 20

Hey peeps!

Welcome to my first blog post!

Hope all is well in your worlds.
-B

Joe Pesci's Agent Has Never Dialed So Fast
Cue the movie montage! The FBI and local authorities arrested more than 125 alleged mobsters today in New York, New Jersey and Rhode Island in what is being described as one of the biggest take-downs of organized crime in history. The arrests began at dawn. The charges are your standard mobby stuff: racketeering (no idea what that is, really), extortion, loan-sharking, arson, drug trafficking, money laundering, etc. Oh, and murder. To be specific a 1981 double homicide over a spilled drink – kinda like this – and another murder of a man and his pup.

The BarbaWire exclusively learned that this was supposed to go down last week but the weather wasn’t cooperating. I hate that excuse. The mail comes in the snow, no? More.

The biggest conundrum here is who is going to play these guys in the next epic gangster movie? Are we really going to be subjected to Jake Gyllenhaal playing a Colombo mob boss? Here is an idea – let’s use the Jersey Shore kids. I mean at least it would be authentic, right? I mean Paulie D is even from Rhode Island. You know JWoww would do an amazing job playing a modern-day Karen Hill. She would finish the job with Janice Rossi, too. Not just pound on the buttons while crying in the lobby.

Mo Money
So, the economy might be improving a bit. There were only 404,000 new unemployment claims filed last week. For context, that’s the size of Colorado Springs. But it is showing progress, I suppose, since economists had expected 425,000 new claims. A year ago, that number was 489,000. So, we’ve seen a 17% reduction. Continued claims totaled 3.8 million, down 26,000 from the week prior. Continued claims are not always a great gauge of the economy, though, because a reduction doesn’t necessarily indicate that job seekers found work. In many cases, their benefits have run dry. More.

Corn Dogs Are Healthy, Right?
Walmart is teaming up with First Lady Michelle Obama to begin offering healthier options. Hmm. Not sure how I feel about that. More.

I am all for better food, so long as it doesn’t hurt my fun. Note #2 and #4 specifically.

Related: Betty White disagrees.

Mama, I'm Coming Home
Twenty-three years after being kidnapped from a Harlem Hospital, Carlina White has been reunited with her birth parents. This is the kind of story that warms your ice cold heart on gloomy days. It is pretty incredible; White contacted the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children around Christmas time because she had always felt there was something wrong. Hmm, sounds like something I would have done as a kid if I didn’t get the present I wanted. (Who am I kidding? I got everything I wanted. Except my Teddy Ruxpin. No, I am not letting that go. Ever.) Anyway, White was reunited with her parents and her kidnap grandma is trying to spin the story a bit. Shifty old ladies. More.


Speaking of kidnapping, Ling Ling better watch out. I want. Ahhh.

A Bill to Nowhere
With Republicans now dominating the House, they unanimously voted yesterday to repeal the health care bill that was passed last year. Of course, this bill will die in the still Democrat-run Senate, so critics are saying it was a symbol and their good-faith gesture to show voters that they would really, really try to get rid of it. The House Republicans are shooting down that claim. It was not symbolic, they said. OK, so what was it then? Some sort of Don Quixote “Impossible Dream” thing? More.

Speaking of politics, so much for the call for civility. Idiot.

Nets? Nyet.
Carmelo Anthony’s trade to the New Jersey Nets is done. The Ruskie billionaire owner is over it. Hates the way it has played out and says it got too expensive. Do svidaniya. The Chicago papers are saying that the Bulls might try to get him. Vodka.

Related: A reporter literally chasing a story. Run! -- courtesy of Andy V.