BarbaWire, May 1

Song of the Day: "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out" by The Smiths

The Royals
Prince William and Catherine Middleton got married! Of course, you already know that because you got up at the crack of dawn to watch it, I know you did. I didn’t, but I didn't mind all the pomp and fluff of this function. Between all the birthers, natural disasters and wars so far this year, it is nice to have a little wedding distraction.
I particularly like this story from the Guardian. The writer strikes this dandy tone and it is just a good read about the royal wedding. Plus, the now famous photo of the “I’m over this mess!” flower girl is at the top. More.
Second only to the little grumpy flower girl is Princess Beatrice’s hat, which I happen to think is dope. Ugly, but dope. More.
Also, did you guys see this a few weeks ago? I love the idea of the royals really being like this. You know they are, right? More.

Tornadoes
President Barack Obama traveled to Alabama on Friday to tour the damage left behind by the tornadoes and horrible storms that ripped through the South and left at least 284 people dead. The president promised aid and said he had never seen damage like that. More.
There are some pretty incredibly devastating images and stories coming out of the South. This video is particularly terrifying. More.

Endeavor Delayed
The launch of the space shuttle Endeavor was abruptly cancelled on Friday and has been pushed back at least until Monday. Arizona Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, who was shot in the head in January, traveled to Florida earlier in the week to watch her husband, astronaut Matt Kelly, lift off as the commander of the shuttle’s final mission. It is unclear if the recovering congresswoman would remain in Florida until the rescheduled launch. More.

Blessed Pope
Pope John Paul II will be beatified this weekend, in a step that brings him one step closer to sainthood. Beatifying means he will be referred to as the Blessed Pope John Paul II. Traditionally, the sainthood process can't begin until 50 years after the death of the would-be saint, but the church has a fast-track system. I remember seeing the pope when he came to Denver in 1993 for World Youth Day. The closest we got was seeing him board a helicopter from a distance. Yeah, not a great story. My dad’s first cousin is a priest in Vatican City and held a service with the pope in the 80s? Yeah, that’s a slightly better one. More.

You Nasty
Sucios! A new study says that you all are all kinds of kinky. To quote Macy Gray, you’ve got express what is taboo in you and share your freak with rest of us. (Actually, don’t. I really don’t wanna know. Well, I might, depending on who is reading) More.

Couric Calls It Quits
Katie Couric is leaving CBS News and is looking to explore ways of “multi-dimensional storytelling” – whatever the eff that means. There are rumors that she and her frenemy Matt Lauer are going to start a show together. I think that is a brilliant idea, actually. People really liked their chemistry. Anyway, back to the important part of this news. Sarah Palin naturally weighed in on Couric’s departure and snidely said “I think I read that in a newspaper, one of many newspapers that I read online.” If you remember, Couric famously asked Palin what newspapers she read and Palin couldn’t answer the question and just kind of stuttered. Couric and her “gotcha” journalism. Palin still hasn’t said which newspaper she was reading. Maybe she should read the BarbaWire. Although I am guessing that she reads the papers as much as I write the BarbaWire these days. Sorry.

Obama Was Born in Hawaii
Given the fervor of the eager birthers, President Barack Obama finally released his long-form birth certificate on Wednesday.
I’ve gone back and forth on this issue – part of me thought he should have just released it at the beginning of the birther movement, but also thought this was just a xenophobic witch hunt against the black man with the funny name and releasing it wouldn’t do much but motivate them to find some other issue. It was the latter. Argh.
Eternal Sunshine
Great news! I can finally forget losing the student council president election in the 5th grade. More.

Father’s Day Is Coming Up. So is Mother's Day. #justsayin

BarbaWire, April 23

Song of the Day: "Pyro" by Kings of Leon

Tornado in St. Louis

A vicious tornado blew through St. Louis on Friday night, flattening dozens of homes and grounding planes at Lambert Airport at least until Monday. Luckily, there have been no reported deaths and only four injuries at the airport. More.

Libya Update
After months of battling for Misrata, Libyan forces are withdrawing and the rebels are claiming victory of the western city. More.
Sadly, earlier in the week two photojournalists were killed by a mortar attack in Misrata. One was Tim Hetherington, an Oscar-nominated photographer and filmmaker. The other was Pulitzer Prize-nominated Getty Images photojournalist Chris Hondros. Please remember to honor these fallen journalists who work tirelessly to bring us images and stories from the front lines. I am in awe of that kind of work. More.

Unrest in Syria
Killing protesters is a brutal abuse of power, but opening fire on the mourners at the funerals of those killed protesters is just plain barbaric and it is happening in Syria. More.

Birthers in Louisiana
There is a ‘birther’ bill circulating the Louisiana legislature and Governor Bobby Jindal said he will sign it if crosses his desk. Wake me up when this happens in a swing state. More.

President Obama Is Taking on Gas Prices

“There is no silver bullet” to solve high prices. Yeah, we know. More.

Thankyouverymuch
There is this Boston burrito chain that I discovered in the fall called Boloco. It is no Chipotle, but it is pretty solid. Anyway, Boston’s mayor asks the burrito chain to donate some food for an event for the city’s bike-sharing program. The company happily obliged and got to work on 200 free burritos. The city then tells the burrito shop it needs a permit to give out free food. Isn’t that a grand ‘thank you’ for the donation? A food fight of sorts ensued and (since nothing really happens until it ends up on the internet) the CEO of Boloco took the fight to Twitter and Facebook. More.

Florida
A guy broke into his ex-wife’s house and fell asleep nekkid in her bed. Even better, this is the second “incident!” I may have already told this story to you in person or perhaps on the Wire, but my absolute favorite Florida news story involved a man getting charged with harassment because he kept taking pictures of his junk and texting them to his ex-girlfriend with the caption, “You’ll miss this!” I miss Florida. More.

Thank You for Being a Friend
Ahhh, a dog has a seeing-eye goose. This is just a little something to warm your cold, cold hearts. Although I already know this is going to freak out my friend – we will call her AnnieJo – because she was once chased by a rabid flock of geese. Even worse, she told me about it. More.

I'm Only 'Kid'ding
Gaby Rodriguez, a high schooler in Oregon faked a pregnancy as part of her senior class project. She wanted to experience the treatment that a girl goes through when she gets pregnant in high school, particularly when the girl seems like the “unlikely to get knocked up in high school” type. My favorite line in the story comes from her best friend who didn’t know about the hoax and said, "Her attitude is changing, and it might be because of the baby or she was always this annoying and I never realized it." I bet that friendship is going to get awkward now.
The story is an interesting read and terrifying at the same time. Slightly more than half of all Latinas will get pregnant before they are 20. I’m going to light an extra candle at Easter mass for my younger cousins tomorrow. More.

BarbaWire, April 20

Song of the Day: "Mary Jane" by Rick James


"Birther" Bill Goes Too Far

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer vetoed the “Birther” bill on Monday, saying it “goes too far.” As you remember, Arizona lawmakers passed a bill last week that would require presidential candidates to provide a full-form birth certificate or a certificate of live birth accompanied by a baptism record or a circumcision certificate or some other kind of document. I knew Brewer would eventually do something that doesn’t endanger the muscles in my eyes from frequent and vigorous rolling. It was actually a two-fer, too! She vetoed the bill that would have allowed guns on school campuses because it was poorly written. More.

Boehner is Party Pooper
Speaker of the House John Boehner has a problem with tequila shots and sombreros, because he has decided to break a sorta old, bipartisan tradition of the Speaker hosting a Cinco De Mayo party and has told the Hispanic Caucus that it should host it. Doesn’t he know that Cinco De Mayo is like a major American drinkin’ holiday? Apparently he hates America. More.
Cinco De Mayo, of course, is a minor Mexican holiday that celebrates the Mexican victory over the French, but we all know Americans have adopted it as an excuse to set up shop at a patio (finally!) and just get inappropriately drunk. I am most happy when Cinco De Mayo and the Kentucky Derby coincide. Mint Juleps segue perfectly into tequila shots.
Still, I have to wonder how much of this relates to the politics of immigration reform. Boehner had no problem hosting a St. Patty’s party. More. #justsayin


Tastes Nasty Now
Chain restaurants keep getting little kids trashed. It has now spread to Chicago, where a four-year-old was served a mudslide instead of a milkshake at Chili’s. She is so darn cute when she says, “It tastes nasty.” Silly child. More.
Funny story time: I have this memory of my dad drinking what looked like iced tea. I asked him for a drink of his tea. I was probably five or six. It wasn’t tea, it was beer and it, too, "tastes nasty.” If my experience teaches us anything, that kid is going to love her some mudslides in a dozen or so years.


America's Credit Score
There is a one-in-three chance that America’s credit rating is going to be downgraded in the next few years. That’s not good; that’s the equivalent of having bad credit. It makes it hard to borrow money and it also makes it more expensive. Does this mean we are going to have to move back in with our mama and get a prepaid cell phone? More.


Galaxy V. iPhone
Apple is suing Samsung because they say Samsung’s Galaxy phone and tablet is a rip-off of the iPhone and the iPad. If Apple is so motivated to sue, I wonder if this means that the Galaxy is just as good as the iPhone. I have some friends that would argue that it is probably better. So, Mr. Smug Apple announcer, I guess you can change your little ditty to, “If you don’t have an iPhone, you don’t have an iPhone but you might have a Galaxy and that is pretty much the same thing.” More.


$%$%!#%^$

Cursing dulls pain, a new study has found. The guy at the pizza place where I had lunch today didn’t need to read this story to know this. He heard a rant that would have made Betty White blush after I bit my tongue. More.
Cursing is really useful in so many scenarios. In addition to dulling pain it also really helps you fix stuff. Or at least that’s what the tirades my dad utters when he is messing with something would lead you to believe. (I am picking on him today because he brought up my wire slacking last night.)

Ick. Nast.
I don’t even want to know. More.


Let Me Talk
President Obama gets sassy with a reporter from Texas. As a reporter, I likely would have made some wonderfully snide remark in response, but I can see Obama’s point – let your source talk! (All my sources just laughed because I think interrupt too much) More.


Awwwwwwwwwww. Cute.

BarbaWire, April 16

Song of the Day: "Combat Baby" by Metric

Jack's Lover
Condoleeza Rice, former secretary of state during the Bush administration, is headed to prime time. Tina Fey said that Condie will crash my beloved 30 Rock before the end of the season and will play an old flame of John Francis Donaghy. Jack hinted in the first season that he was seeing a “high-ranking African-American member of the Bush administration.” I don’t know how I feel about this. It could be awesome like the time Janet Reno showed up on Saturday Night Live. Or it could suck. More.

Santo Dios!
Catholic women live in the modern world. Who knew? More.

Birther Bill and Stumping in Chicago
The Arizona legislature has passed a bill that would require presidential candidates to prove they are U.S. citizens before getting their name on a ballot in the state. The so-called birther bill says that a certificate of live birth – otherwise known as a legal document that is issued by the state – is not good enough. If you can’t find your original certificate, your certificate of live birth can be backed up by other documents such as your circumcision certificate. You get a certificate for that? More.
Meanwhile, President Obama joked about the birthers while fundraising for his 2012 reelection in Chicago. He also poked fun at Chicago Mayor-elect Rahm Emanuel’s temper and gimp finger. More.
CBS Radio News also picked up some private conversations President Obama had at the fundraising events. It is not particularly juicy, but it is always interesting to see what he says off the script. More.

Giffords' Recovery
Newsweek has a great story about the reality of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords’ long road to recovery. While she is improving tremendously, she is recovering from a gunshot to the head. While there are reports that she is already working on her reelection, her husband said that right now recovery is paramount. More.

Crybaby
A kindergartener has been suspended for crying too much. This is ridiculous. I am guessing the appropriate way of handling this would have been to call the child’s parents and tell them to come get their kid, not suspend the poor boy. More.
Funny story time: In the first grade, one of my classmates peed his pants and was able to go home. To a six-year-old, that’s the equivalent of a cougar finding the fountain of youth. You could go home for just peeing in your pants? No way! So, a few weeks later I remember being so bored and antsy that I made up my mind and did it. I peed my pants purposely so I could go home. My mom is still furious.

BarbaWire, April 14

Song of the Day: “Here Comes Your Man” by The Pixies

Bonds Guilty of Obstruction of Justice
Barry Bonds was convicted of obstruction of justice on Wednesday for evading and misleading a grand jury in 2003. He was on trial for several perjury charges, too, but he was not convicted on those accounts. Still, Bonds is now a convicted felon. During his grand jury testimony in 2003 Bonds testified that he never knowingly took steroids. He thought it was flaxseed oil and arthritis cream. Right. More

Taking a Lil’ Nap
Vice President Joe Biden usually embarrasses himself by opening his mouth. On Wednesday, he did so by closing his eyes during President Barack Obama’s speech on reducing the deficit. Maybe he was really trying to visualize the savings? Or maybe he was just sleepy? More.

Blame Gaga
A 20-year-old Oklahoma woman killed and mutilated her family’s cat for her Lady Gaga concert outfit. While I realize this woman has problems, I blame Lady Gaga. Lock her up immediately. Send her to Guantanamo! It will be so edgy. More.

Billy Goes to Time Square
Bill Clinton talks about steak and hookers. Ah, Bill, I miss you. More.

Super-duper Volcano
The freaky supervolcano that is under Yellowstone National Park and is overdue for an eruption is bigger than it was originally thought to be. Great, like I needed another thing to keep me up. More.

Yes, I Can Hear You
The “Can You Hear Me Now” guy is finally saying something else and gives us an insight into his life. Most disappointing part of the story? He doesn’t wear the nerdy black glasses in real life anymore! Also, does anyone else think he comes off a little smug in the Verizon iPhone commercial? Still, not as smug as the “If you don’t have an iPhone, you don’t have iPhone” guy. What a jerk. More.

RIP J-School
The University of Colorado Regents will vote on Thursday to shutter the School of Journalism and Mass Communication, the college I attended. Journalism is expected to continue on as a degree program, just not a dedicated school. Still, I’m sad. More.
Meanwhile, my alma mater has this going for it. Party on, buffs. More.

BarbaWire, April 13

Song of the Day: "Back in Your Head" By Tegan and Sara

Obama Talks Debt
President Obama is expected to release details today about his plan to cut the national debt through cuts to programs like Medicare and raise taxes. More.

More Business Ethics
Wow, who knew business ethics was such a hot topic right now? First Bernie Madoff says he might teach an ethics course and now a La Salle University professor has been suspended for bringing strippers to an extra-credit seminar. Is this what goes on in business school? I wonder if the girls are paying their way through college? More.

Real Men Wear Pink
In a recent J. Crew’s kids campaign there is a photo of Jenna Lyons, president and creative director of the company, painting her son’s toenails pink. Apparently, he loves pink. I think it is a bit indulged, but Dr. Keith Ablow, who authored a book with Glenn Beck by the way, think this is the end of our civilization because he thinks gender confusion is going to create a bunch of people uninterested (or incapable of) raising children. Easy, buddy. Easy. More.
This story reminded me of two things. First, I have a cousin who is big and tough and has a bit of temper. He is also a big softy, particularly when it comes to his daughter. His daughter likes to play beauty shop with him and painted his toe nails hot pink, too. Well, remember that bad temper I mentioned? One time he got into a bar fight and landed up in jail with those pink toe nails. Awkward.
Also, in the 1990s, I used to leave J. Crew catalogs around the house with stuff circled. My mom would indulge me from time to time! Being a grown-up sucks, but if you’re reading, mom, summer is coming and I need some shorts.

Wrist Size Matters
Wrist size in children might help determine if they are destined for heart disease. It is tied to insulin levels and being big boned. Over the last few years I’ve become kind of obsessed with my wrist size since it was only in the last few years that I could actually wrap my fingers around them. Any time it gets to be a tough reach I freak out. For real. More.

GOP Hopefuls
As I said yesterday, I don’t hate Mitt Romney. Now that he has said that President Obama was born in the U.S. and that Republicans need to focus on other things reaffirms that. More.
Meanwhile, former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty said he is running for president on Piers Morgan's show, but he didn’t mean he is actually running for president yet. Say what you mean, dude. More.

BarbaWire, April 12

Song of the Day: "The Girl's Attractive" by Diamond Knights

Get Over It
Square-jawed crybabies Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss, and their pal Divya Narendra were shot down in their attempt to undo the $65 million settlement they made with Facebook. These are the guys that say they Mark Zuckerberg stole the concept for Facebook from them. You remember them from the movie. They settled a few years ago, but then tried to call a do-over because they said Facebook misrepresented its value. In case you forgot, Facebook has a market value of $65 billion. The judge is pretty sassy in his ruling. I wonder who will play the judge in the sequel? More.
Tyler already tweeted that they are going to appeal.

Cover-Up Crime
France’s burqa ban is now in effect and a couple of women have already been arrested. Their arrests seem largely symbolic, since this law will rarely be enforced, experts said. This seems pretty screwy, anyway. How do you distinguish between a woman wearing burqa worn for religious reasons or someone very bundled up in the winter? Come to Chicago in January – you’ll see a lot of women with only their eyes exposed. #sogladitiswarmingup! More.

Japan Update
Japan’s nuclear disaster level might be upped to level seven…out of seven. It would tie Chernobyl. That’s not good. More.

Mitt-In
Looks like Mitt Romney is going to run for president. I don’t completely dislike him, but I have two problems. He makes it seem like the current economic malaise – ok, the current economic mess – is President Obama’s fault. I hear ya, Roms, some of his programs haven’t worked as well as they should have, but let us not forget how many jobs we’ve lost from the total collapse of the residential real estate sector. Those didn’t happen on Barry’s watch, dude. Secondly, whatcha lookin’ at, buddy? I’m over here. More.

Politico has a good breakdown of the budget.
Read here.

Terrorist Caught
Commit this story to memory and think of it every time you take off your shoes at the airport and prepare to have the TSA sucios check out your goodies. Still, as my friend Kevin once pointed out, catching terrorists at the airport is a little late. More.

Professor Madoff
The Financial Times has a great profile of Bernie Madoff, where the imprisoned Ponzi schemer talks about his firm’s shift from a legitimate business to one build on using new investor money to pay old investors. I've always been curious about that element. My favorite parts? That he reads Danielle Steel novels and might be teaching a business ethics class at Harvard or Northwestern. Hey, if Bristol Palin can push abstinence, why can’t Berns teach ethics? More.

BarbaWire, April 8

The BarbaWire is a little short tonight because I am going to a pre-opening party at Aviary, the best new lounge in Chicago, thanks to my amazing roommates. (Rest of you? Be jealz. Very, very.)

Cosby Clashes With the Donald
Donald Trump continues to hint at a possible presidential run. He might just be doing it to boost ratings for Celebrity Apprentice. Heathcliff Huxtable throws some shade and I love it. More.

Beer, Nature's Gatorade
A Granada University study found that when it comes to post-workout rehydrating, beer is better than water. Slightly better, but better, nonetheless. I’ll take it! For the record, I’ve been drinking post workouts for years – as evidenced by the number of times I’ve left my gym bag at a bar. I’ve seriously done that at least three times. More.

Government Shutdown
A day of negotiatons later, we are still headed toward a government shutdown. It is coming down to Planned Parenthood funding and some environmental stuff. My baby cousin Andrew, who just left the Marines and is now working for federal government (golf claps all around), summed it up pretty well: Working for the government as a civilian is great. Everything is a guarantee except your paycheck. More.

Japan Can't Catch a Break
There was another earthquake in Japan on Thursday. It was 7.1-magnitude earthquake and could have been an aftershock of the 9.1-magnitude earthquake that struck the island country. There was also a tsunami warning, but was lifted about 90 minutes later. No deaths were reported, but there were 132 injuries. More.

Ohhhh, Wow
Watch this video of a flight from San Francisco to Paris condensed to two minutes. You get to see the Northern Lights! That is one long flight, but it is a good reminder of the beauty that exists. More.

BarbaWire, April 7

Song of the Day: "Da Butt" by E-U
Another Day of Stubbornness
Despite a grueling day of negotiations, lawmakers still have not hammered out a budget and we are now a day closer to a government shutdown. There is a lot more than a budget at stake here. It is largely a political contest between President Obama and Speaker of the House John Boehner. Obama is trying to cast an image that he is above the politicking and – as the New York Times puts it – is acting like “a disappointed father figure having to mediate a dispute between two squabbling siblings.” Meanwhile, Boehner is balancing the leadership of the overall party with meeting the demands of the tea party. More.
Oh, and apparently Boehner cried. Again. This time behind close doors. Lloron.

Just Give Me a Hit
A University of Maryland study says we are hooked on the internet. Nearly a quarter of the American students that participated in the internet and media blackout went through withdrawal symptoms during their 24-hour disconnection. One even said she was itching like a crackhead. To which I ask how does she know how a crackhead feels? I am just a recreational user, I swear. I could quit anytime I want. I have some friends, on the other hand, that would re-enact that scene from “Boyz In the Hood.” If you have to ask you don’t wanna know. More.
Also, let’s all just be happy we were not in Georgia or Armenia when this happened. More.

Flip Flop Fail
More reasons not to wear flip flops. In addition to making you look short and walk as if you are waddling, they might damage your lower body and make you more accident prone. I learned that lesson the hard way. Last year – on my birthday – I fell down the stairs to the Blue Line because of my slippery flip flops. Burn them.

30 Rocked
Alec Baldwin says that next season will be the last for 30 Rock, my favorite show on television. Their contracts are up; Tina Fey has movies to direct and Baldwin is rumored to want to pursue politics. This is just Baldwin talking for now, nothing has been confirmed. While I am hopelessly devoted to Liz Lemon and might be channeling Jack Donaghy with my hair, I am not entirely opposed to this. There will be no dramatic “Nooooo!” from me. Nothing is worse than a show that has overstayed its welcome, looking at you Grey’s Anatomy. More.

Glenn Becked
Glenn Beck is ending his Fox News show. He and the network are pretending like everything is cool. It really isn’t. I am guessing all those chalkboards are expensive. More.

That's Ruff
It is probably not a good idea to bark at a police dog when you’re trashed. Even if he started it. More.

BarbaWire, April 6

Get It Together
President Obama told Congress on Tuesday that he is done messing around with temporary extensions to keep our government functioning. House Republicans aren’t budging. Senate Democrats aren’t budging. The Democrats have agreed to $33 billion in spending cuts, Republicans want $40 billion. Government could shut down as soon as Friday. Obama seems to have picked up some of his old gusto lately. Read his direct quotes in the story. The dude seems hungry. More.
This does a good job of explaining what a government shutdown really means. More.

No Means No Even If She is Wearing a Red Dress
Can’t a girl just wear her tube top and daisy dukes in peace? More 3,000 people gathered on Sunday in Toronto for a SlutWalk, defending women's rights to not be violated despite their attire. You see, a few months ago a police officer told a classroom at York University that women who don’t want to be sexually assaulted should avoid dressing like sluts. Essentially, if you look like a mannequin in the window of Bebe (you know what I’m talking about), you are asking for it. That’s not cool, dude. If that’s true, does that mean a woman wearing sweatpants can run willy-nilly through dark alleys? I think not. Anyway, people organized, threw on their Saturday night’s best and marched to police headquarters to protest the cop’s misaligned advice. More.

Secrets Don't Make Friends
Mike Huckabee, the well-liked Republican that could be a GOP frontrunner in 2012, is not a fan of open records. He was governor of Arkansas for 12 years and quickly and promptly destroyed all of his administration’s hard drives after leaving office. There is a back-up, but the holder of it doesn't answer the phone. So much for our process of vetting our leaders. Please file this under stuff you should know. More.

Born To Write
Nick Maxim has both a rad name and a rad story. The Maine fifth grader entered a national penmanship contest. Maxim doesn’t have hands or forearms, yet he managed to write more legibly than you. He taught himself how to write with his arms and said he loves to write. The sponsors of the contest were so inspired by his story that they have taken his rad name and put it out a new category for entries from students with disabilities. More.

Fun
Some people have too much money. Richard Branson is one of those people. He owns an airline, he owns spaceships and now he owns a submarine that he plans to take to 36,000 feet deep. Branson has paired with a not-as-rich dude from Newport Beach, Calif., to help finance the $17 million project. The U.S. stopped exploring such depths years ago and the guys are not sure what they are going to find but say they are doing it because of the human need to push limits and explore. I actually love that idea. More.

BarbaWire, April 4

Song of the Day: “Age of Consent” by New Order

Obama 2012

President Obama is running for president again. We all knew that, but he officially filed the papers on Monday. The campaign price tag is expected to swell to $1 billion. He says he is just laying the groundwork for a great campaign. His critics questioned why he would launch it while our federal government faces a shutdown. More.

Politico presents the think piece about how much the internet has changed so much since 2008. I check Facebook about as much I as I did then. Has it really changed? Also, they call email and blogs passé. What the eff do they know? More.

Beware

I got an email from my bank on Saturday warning me to be vigilant with emails that appear to be from my bank. I actually figured the email itself was a phishing scam. Turns out Epsilon, an online marketer for every company and their mama, had a security breach with hackers getting our names and emails. Be suspicious. Trust no one. The truth is out there. More.

What a Terrifying View

Sunroofs are nice, but not at 36,000 feet. Passengers on a Sacramento-bound flight on Friday learned that lesson when a crack in the plane’s skin turned into a 4-foot hole where passengers could see blue skies and hear the tranquil sound of air when it is being sliced by a plane going more than 500 miles per hour. I am guessing that is kind of loud; a few passengers complained about inner ear issues. Luckily, those whiners had the opportunity to tell about their brush with death since the plane landed in Yuma shortly after the roof ripped off. Southwest has since grounded 79 planes for further inspection and has found cracks in a few. Other airlines may have to examine their planes, too. Southwest flies more often so its planes are under more stress. More and More.

Brewer's Fat Fine

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer is proposing that Medicaid recipients who are overweight should pay a fine of $50 a year if they fail to work with their doctor to meet specific goals. She is also calling for a $50 annual fine for smokers. Medicaid is insurance provided by the government for those who either do not have a job or are on other forms of government aid. In the private sector, we are seeing more and more insurance companies charging higher premiums for smokers and overweight people and also incentivizing them with discounts if they stop smoking or try to lead more active lifestyles. For the weight issue, it is obviously a lot more complex than “drop the chunk or pay up,” but I definitely get this for smokers. If you can afford your smokes, you can afford the fine. Having said that, is Brewer going to implement a horrible human being fine, too? Pay up, Brew. More.

Wave of the Future

Sony is rumored to be building an 8-megapixel camera for the iPhone 5. I might not have the hoverboard that Michael J. Fox lead a young me to believe I would have by now, but I will soon have the phone I dreamed of in college. I remember saying that I wished there was a device that would be your phone, your music player and your digital camera all rolled up into one. I realize that what I am describing has been around for awhile now, but a Sony 8-megapixel camera in an iPhone just seems like the coolest thing ever. Well, of course until the phone becomes the nucleus of your being until you do what my good friend did – she spilled popcorn or marshmallow fluff or one of her many snacks on her snuggie. She went out on her balcony to shake it clean and forgot her iPhone was in her lap. Hub of her life splattered across the concrete. More.

Florida

God, sometimes I wish I still lived in Florida only to watch the news. This beauty was arrested for driving while drunk and carrying a whole lot of dope. Naturally, she was nekkid. Maybe her A/C was broken? It is kinda swampy out in Indiantown. More.

May I Suggest a Paper Bag, Ma'am?

Lady who has had too much plastic surgery is suing her plastic surgeon because now she can’t close her eyes. Oops. Her bad. Perhaps if she didn’t insist on having her skin as taut as a Wicker Park hipster’s jeggings she wouldn’t be having this problem. More.

BarbaWire, March 30

It's a Business of Sadists and Masochists
It looks like we will be in 2012 before we get to see Don, Roger, Peggy, Joan and the gang again. No, little Sally Draper isn’t headed to rehab. Yet. "Mad Men" creator Matthew Weiner and AMC are having it out. Rumors were circling that Weiner was asking for a $30 million, three-year contract, while AMC wants him to cut some characters, trim the show by two minutes and do more product placement. Weiner had shot back saying that he has actually suggested taking a pay cut to save characters and not to trim the show’s length. More.
So, the show tends to skip ahead each season. They never just pick up where they left off. If you adjust that for this hiatus I am guessing by the time the show resumes, Don will be on wife number three and Sally will have moved to San Francisco to smoke dope and take psychedelics. Groovy.
While it could have been much funnier, this LA Times' blog suggests ways to kill off some of the characters and it gets props for referencing my favorite line from last season. The writer is right, though. Some of those drunks are definitely going to die of cirrhosis. More.

Hope They Didn't Sext
Sarah Kemp went online to find some action. The 42-year-old met 47-year-old George Bentley on ForgetDinner.co.uk in November and the two have been exchanging emails since. Kemp lives in Scotland, while Bentley lives in London. After a few months, Kemp decided to head down to meet her beau. The two started chatting it up and talking about their childhoods. Yep, they are long-lost siblings. Thank God they figured it out before there was any kind of monkey business. The siblings haven’t seen each other since the mid 1970s when their parents split up and the daughter went with the mom and the son stayed with the dad. They said they’ve looked for each other, but Kemp was married briefly in the 80s and that’s why she is no longer a Bentley. More.
I am mostly posting this story because I kind of think it is a hoax. There are just too many questions. He was 11 the last time he saw his sister. How did he not piece it together sooner? I am sure she knew her brother’s full name? I am guessing this woman asked for her suitor’s full name before traveling to see him. Or was she still calling him SilverBullet69? (You know that that was totally his screen name, right?) What about their parents? Mom never went looking for her son? Lastly, are we really supposed to believe that these two are 42 and 47?

Bonds*
Randy Velarde, a former major leaguer, testified Wednesday that he was juiced by Greg Anderson, Barry Bonds’ former personal trainer. Bonds is on trial for perjury charges related to his 2003 testimony in front of a grand jury about steroid usage. Bonds said he did not knowingly take steroids, he just thought it was flaxseed oil and arthritis cream. And the whole world rolled its eyes. On Tuesday Jason and Jeremy Giambi and Marvin Bernard all testified that Anderson sold them performance-enhancing drugs. Anderson has refused to testify against his old chum. More

Kinky Clooney
George Clooney has been sucked in to Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi’s Bunga-Bunga controversy. Berlusconi has been charged with paying the then-underage Karima El Mahroug for sex during one of his cad parties last year. El Mahroug told investigators that she saw Clooney and his girlfriend at the party. However, this might play into the defense’s hand as it looks to discredit her. Although Danny Ocean spends a lot of his free time in Italy and totally gives off that swinger vibe, he and Berlusconi are not pals. In fact, Clooney is a supporter of Berlusconi’s last opponent. Clooney said the only time he has met the randy old dude was when he was seeking aid for Darfur. You know those celebs and their causes. More

Scattered Opposition
Other than having the same goal of ousting Moammar Gadhafi, it appears the rebels are split as to what they want. Some want a liberal democracy, others want a a strict religious state. Hmm

Keep It Local
With all the volatility in the oil-rich land, President Obama wants us to decrease our dependency on foreign oil by a third in the next decade and said we shouldn’t be short-sided by only worrying about our dependency when prices are high. Seems like a reasonable proposition. Republican lawmakers ignore Obama's call to look beyond today and want to know how the steps will translate to lower gas prices today. More.

BarbaWire, March 29

Libya Update -- More than a week after launching air strikes on Libya President Obama said Monday that we are there because it is the right thing to do. "To brush aside America's responsibility as a leader and, more profoundly, our responsibilities to our fellow human beings under such circumstances would have been a betrayal of who we are,” he said. I get his point, but I have also wondered why it is always us. Can’t we sit one out? Obama has been criticized from both sides of the aisle for his decision to get us involved without running it by us first. Part of the problem is that while Obama has called for Moammar Gadhafi to step down, the United Nations’ resolution does not call for the leader’s removal. Obama said that our job is to protect civilians, but it is up to the Libyans to remove Gadhafi. He added that we went down the regime-change route with Iraq and that cost thousands of lives and a trillion bucks. More.

Making Clouds -- Elsewhere in the Arab world, Qatar is gonna make it rain for the World Cup in 2022. Well, it is building clouds. You see, it is hot in Qatar and the small country had to promise to build stadiums with air conditioning. A simple tarp and a window unit are not going to cut it out there. So they are building really, really slow drones that are remote controlled and would block out the sun. I wonder if they are going to come with lightning to strike down the annoying vuvuzelas? More.

President Gingrich? -- Within a month Newt Gingrich 2012 signs might be popping up in front yards, because it is already that season. He is hoping we all forget about him having extramarital affairs while he was carrying out a witch hunt on our beloved Bill Clinton for having extramarital affairs. More.

iPhone, iWant -- Apple is having an event to talk about operating system stuffs. They might release the iPhone 5 at that event. My birthday is in early July, FYI. More.

Smarter Than All of Us -- Jacob Barnett is a 12-year-old Hoosier and he is on track to prove Albert Einstein’s Theory of Relativity and The Big Bang Theory wrong. Stop making this all about the fact that you are 28 years old and still can’t balance a check book. Barnett is special – he has Asperger's syndrome, which is a mild form of autism. People with Asperger’s have a tremendous ability to devote themselves to learning everything there is to know about something. One question: what’s with math whizzes and writing on glass? Matt Damon did it in “Good Will Hunting”, Russell Crowe did it “A Beautiful Mind” and Jesse Eisenberg did it in “The Social Network”. More. I’ve been fascinated by Asperger’s since reading Running With Scissors by Augusten Burroughs. His brother has it and has actually written a book about it.

Radiation in Mass. -- Radiation from Japan has showed up in Massachusetts. Scientists said it is trace amounts, but that is still frightening. More.

Cobra Gone Missing -- There is a cobra on the loose at the Bronx Zoo. Zookeepers said that visitiors shouldn’t be alarmed because the asp is not the type of animal that is going to hop on the subway and be a part of the next installment of crazy subway fights. (Watch these! Here and Here) They said it is probably hiding some place dark and secluded and that they will catch it when it gets hungry and starts looking for food. New Yorkers, hide your kids. So glad I read this story right before going to bed. More.

Not Cool -- This is not going to help print newspaper sales. Not at all. More.

Man's Best Friend Saved Japanese Woman -- Things are still a mess in Japan, but here is another great survival story. This one involves a normally lazy pooch springing into action and dragging her 83-year-old owner to safety as the tsunami was on its way. More.

BarbaWire, March 25

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Bad Kids, Bad Man
One of my favorite news stories has a sequel! When I lived in Florida, I remember seeing the tale of Latarian Milton, the adventurous young lad that stole his grandma’s SUV. That story has gone on to become an internet meme. Clearly, 10-year-old Zilan Fitch knows his meme, too. The Texas kid was mad, thought about his brochacho LM and so he hopped in his mom’s SUV and took it for a spin. In this version, his mom saw him pulling away and followed him. He took her and police on a high speed chase. Luckily, no one was hurt. While I don’t advocate doing kids doing bad stuff, these sorts of stories make me wish I would have been less mouthy, more daring. More.
Don’t worry, mom and dad, I won’t try to live out some childhood rebellion now. This guy shows me that it is not as funny when you are a grown up, because your parents will press charges and the cops will shoot a man. More.

Libya Update
NATO is taking over control of the Libyan no-fly zone. More.

The White House is finding fancy ways to describe our role in Libya – kinetic military action, eh? More.

France is taking a front-seat role in the Libyan conflict. Sarkozy has his reasons. Actually, this is a really good read. More.

No More Pi
A Republican congresswoman from Alabama wants to help American kids improve their international ranking in math. However, she is not interested in pushing our kids harder, she just wants to make math easier. She is going after 3.14159265..., otherwise known as pi. Pi is an irrational number that is used to calculate the area of a circle and is considered one of the most important mathematical constants. Well, Congresswoman Martha Roby thinks it is phooey and has introduced legislation to just round it off to three. If you don’t support this, you don’t love the kids and you don’t love America! More.
Psych! Stop freaking out, Mathlete, you can still bake a pie on March 14. This is satire, but it reads authentic, doesn’t it? Roby has even issued a press release to make sure people don’t actually think it is true.

Your Services Are No Longer Needed
Dudes, we are screwed. It is just a matter of time before we are caged and only kept around to lift stuff and mow the grass! They’ve figured out a way to make sperm in a test tube. Japanese researchers have figured it out with mice. This could be a good thing, actually! One application for this would be allowing young boys going through cancer treatment to preserve their chances of being a father later in life. It could also be used with endangered animals. More.

Melo Wants New York to Mellow
Carmelo Anthony wants New York Knicks “to relax and just have fun.” Um, he knows that he is in New York now, right? And that his new team has gone 7-10 since he arrived? Hope that works out for you, buddy. More.
(For sports fan, I realize that there are bigger basketball stories going on, such as Duke’s loss, but I am guessing that if you really care about the NCAA tournament that you aren’t turning to me for that content. #justsayin)

BarbaWire, March 24

Remembering Taylor
By now I am sure you’ve heard about the death of Elizabeth Taylor. I can’t say I am overly versed in her work. Truthfully, the only movie I can vividly remember her in was "The Flintstones" (she played Wilma’s mom!). Of course there is also her White Diamonds commercial. (These have always brought me luck)
Anyway, over the weekend I came across this feature on the Huffington Post about her trip to Iran in 1976 and was enthralled by how gorgeous she was but also by the beauty of these photos. There is something about the way her dark features and violet eyes meshed with all the colorful tapestries. The photos are on display at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art until June. More.

Bonds' Friends and Foes
Steve Hoskins, Barry Bonds’ former buddy, testified on Wednesday that the home run king* asked him to research the effects of steroids in the late 1990s. Bonds is currently on trial for obstruction of justice and perjury in a 2003 grand jury investigation on steroid distribution. He has said that he never knowingly took steroids.
During his testimony, Hoskins also said that he taped conversations between him and Greg Anderson, Bonds’ personal trainer and alleged steroid administer, about the juice. Hoskins said that he wanted to prove to Bonds’ dad that his son was lie-telling about being organic. While Hoskins is spilling all the details, Anderson continues to be silent. He went to prison for 17 months because of his silence during the grand jury investigation and he returned to the pokey for refusing to testify on Wednesday. More.

Japan Update
Good news: Power has been restored to the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Station. Iffy news: There are still considerable challenges ahead with lots of danger for the workers. Also, all the salt water that was used to cool the reactors is leaving massive salt deposits that could cause lots of problems. Bad news: There are warnings that infants as far away as Tokyo shouldn’t drink tap water. More.

Mental in Missouri
Jared Loughner, the alleged gunman that went on a rampage in Arizona in January, has been sent to undergo a psych evaluation in Missouri. The attack left six dead and injured several others, including Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, who was shot in the head. I am not sure why we need to look beyond this nutjob’s mug shot for proof that he is cray-cray. More.

Boehner Has a Point
House speaker John A. Boehner is pressing President Obama to clarify our role in Libya. Like a lot of us, Boehner just sort of feels left out of the process. Also, while President Obama has called for Moammar Gadhafi to step down, the United Nations resolution only calls for a no-fly zone and does not specify a change of power. So, what gives, O? More.
Meanwhile, Defense Secretary Robert Gates said on Wednesday that the U.S. could take its planned hands-off role in the operation as soon as Saturday. We shall see, right? More.

Gross or Ghost?
Teenagers thought they heard a ghost in their house; really it was just some intruder rattling his chain. (Torturing his soul? Or insert your own innuendo here!) More. Speaking of ghosts, I have a great story. I have an aunt that is easily spooked. Circa 1996 I masterminded a plan to scare the bejeesus out her. I took my mom's dress form and put a light-colored, long, and flowing dress that my mom had in the spare bedroom closet on the form. We then put a fan behind the dress and let hilarity (and lots and lots of screams) ensue. Ahhh, the 90s. They were so much fun!

BarbaWire, March 22

Oh No You Didn't
Fox News is reporting that Moammar Gadhafi’s folks used foreign journalists as shields by scheduling a tour of the previous day’s damage to the embattled leader’s compound. Coalition forces were ready to fire again on the compound, but couldn’t because of the journalists presence. It would have meant civilian casualties. The compound is a target because it has air defense systems and a military command and control center. The mission doesn’t call for the killing of Gadhafi. More.
The story has turned into a bit of fight between CNN and Fox News. Fox initially reported that it hadn’t sent anyone on what they described as a propaganda tour, but later admitted to sending one of its security guards with a camera.
Meanwhile, CNN correspondent Nic Robertson got super sassy and said the only time he sees the Fox correspondents is at breakfast. Oh snap!

We Are Your Friends
A U.S. fighter jet crashed outside of Benghazi, Libya on Monday, but the pilot and co-pilot were able to eject themselves and are safe and sustained only minor injuries. The plane was brought down by an equipment malfunction, the AP is reporting.
One of the airmen landed in pasture and it sounds like he didn’t know what to expect. He raised his hands and called out “OK, OK.” But a crowd gathered around to shake his hand. Telegraph, a British newspaper, quoted witness Younis Amruni as saying, “I hugged him and said, 'Don't be scared, we are your friends'." He added, "We are so grateful to these men who are protecting the skies." More.

For a more detailed look at what’s going on in Libya, read this story.

A Lil' Buzzed
Keith Gruber is one brave dude. Yesterday he showed up to a pretrial hearing for his felony driving while intoxicated arrest with a bag of Busch beer. He had four beers in the bag and one open one in his hand. The judge asked Gruber if he enjoyed his liquid lunch, he said he did and was sorry. The judge sent him to jail without bail.
I am guessing it was a 12-pack, because he had four in the bag, one in his hand and was visibly drunk. That rules out a six pack, right? Although my mom does say that alcoholics appear visibly drunk after just their first beer. As my friend says, sorry for partying, bro. More.

On Fire
About 1,200 acres in the Denver area foothills are on fire. It seems a little early in the year for these kinds of fires, but it has been a mild winter there. Every time there is a wildfire in Colorado I think about being on Semester at Sea. The ship had a newswire that wasn’t half as informative as this rag. It had a headline about all of Denver being on fire. The fire was in Castle Rock, which is about 30 miles south of Denver. Still freaked me out. More.

Empty Nests
A fifth of the homes in Florida are vacant. This isn’t all that surprising given the amount of overbuilding that occurred in the Sunshine State. The surprise, however, might be the overhang. I don’t think anyone thought it would take this long to soak up all the excess supply of homes down there. Unfortunately, a lot of these homes are located really far inland, too, where it is hotter and muggy. I remember back in the early days of the economic downturn – when I was still living in Florida and being blamed for the downturn in the market – an economist told me that everyone lost sight of the fundamental principles of homebuilding: every home needs an end user. More.

Red Wine Cures All
Not to make light on the very serious situation in Japan’s nuclear plant, but I am all about protecting myself from radiation this way. Pass the Malbec.

Taco Bell to Jail Cell
A San Antonio man shot at a restaurant manager, police and spurred a three-and-a-half hour standoff with police all because of the cost of a Taco Bell burrito. They used to be 99 cents, now they are $1.49. Two immediate thoughts: there aren’t any better Mexican restaurants in San Antonio? And I know where I am going for lunch today. Chalupa.

Two and a Half Men, Three and a Half Personalities
Charlie Sheen might be getting his job back. I guess in Hollywood it pays to be completely out of your mind, so long as you are bankable. More.

Nightmares
When I first saw the headline I thought this was going to funny. It is not. It is pretty darn sad. More.