BarbaWire, April 14

Song of the Day: “Here Comes Your Man” by The Pixies

Bonds Guilty of Obstruction of Justice
Barry Bonds was convicted of obstruction of justice on Wednesday for evading and misleading a grand jury in 2003. He was on trial for several perjury charges, too, but he was not convicted on those accounts. Still, Bonds is now a convicted felon. During his grand jury testimony in 2003 Bonds testified that he never knowingly took steroids. He thought it was flaxseed oil and arthritis cream. Right. More

Taking a Lil’ Nap
Vice President Joe Biden usually embarrasses himself by opening his mouth. On Wednesday, he did so by closing his eyes during President Barack Obama’s speech on reducing the deficit. Maybe he was really trying to visualize the savings? Or maybe he was just sleepy? More.

Blame Gaga
A 20-year-old Oklahoma woman killed and mutilated her family’s cat for her Lady Gaga concert outfit. While I realize this woman has problems, I blame Lady Gaga. Lock her up immediately. Send her to Guantanamo! It will be so edgy. More.

Billy Goes to Time Square
Bill Clinton talks about steak and hookers. Ah, Bill, I miss you. More.

Super-duper Volcano
The freaky supervolcano that is under Yellowstone National Park and is overdue for an eruption is bigger than it was originally thought to be. Great, like I needed another thing to keep me up. More.

Yes, I Can Hear You
The “Can You Hear Me Now” guy is finally saying something else and gives us an insight into his life. Most disappointing part of the story? He doesn’t wear the nerdy black glasses in real life anymore! Also, does anyone else think he comes off a little smug in the Verizon iPhone commercial? Still, not as smug as the “If you don’t have an iPhone, you don’t have iPhone” guy. What a jerk. More.

RIP J-School
The University of Colorado Regents will vote on Thursday to shutter the School of Journalism and Mass Communication, the college I attended. Journalism is expected to continue on as a degree program, just not a dedicated school. Still, I’m sad. More.
Meanwhile, my alma mater has this going for it. Party on, buffs. More.