BarbaWire, May 1

Song of the Day: "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out" by The Smiths

The Royals
Prince William and Catherine Middleton got married! Of course, you already know that because you got up at the crack of dawn to watch it, I know you did. I didn’t, but I didn't mind all the pomp and fluff of this function. Between all the birthers, natural disasters and wars so far this year, it is nice to have a little wedding distraction.
I particularly like this story from the Guardian. The writer strikes this dandy tone and it is just a good read about the royal wedding. Plus, the now famous photo of the “I’m over this mess!” flower girl is at the top. More.
Second only to the little grumpy flower girl is Princess Beatrice’s hat, which I happen to think is dope. Ugly, but dope. More.
Also, did you guys see this a few weeks ago? I love the idea of the royals really being like this. You know they are, right? More.

Tornadoes
President Barack Obama traveled to Alabama on Friday to tour the damage left behind by the tornadoes and horrible storms that ripped through the South and left at least 284 people dead. The president promised aid and said he had never seen damage like that. More.
There are some pretty incredibly devastating images and stories coming out of the South. This video is particularly terrifying. More.

Endeavor Delayed
The launch of the space shuttle Endeavor was abruptly cancelled on Friday and has been pushed back at least until Monday. Arizona Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, who was shot in the head in January, traveled to Florida earlier in the week to watch her husband, astronaut Matt Kelly, lift off as the commander of the shuttle’s final mission. It is unclear if the recovering congresswoman would remain in Florida until the rescheduled launch. More.

Blessed Pope
Pope John Paul II will be beatified this weekend, in a step that brings him one step closer to sainthood. Beatifying means he will be referred to as the Blessed Pope John Paul II. Traditionally, the sainthood process can't begin until 50 years after the death of the would-be saint, but the church has a fast-track system. I remember seeing the pope when he came to Denver in 1993 for World Youth Day. The closest we got was seeing him board a helicopter from a distance. Yeah, not a great story. My dad’s first cousin is a priest in Vatican City and held a service with the pope in the 80s? Yeah, that’s a slightly better one. More.

You Nasty
Sucios! A new study says that you all are all kinds of kinky. To quote Macy Gray, you’ve got express what is taboo in you and share your freak with rest of us. (Actually, don’t. I really don’t wanna know. Well, I might, depending on who is reading) More.

Couric Calls It Quits
Katie Couric is leaving CBS News and is looking to explore ways of “multi-dimensional storytelling” – whatever the eff that means. There are rumors that she and her frenemy Matt Lauer are going to start a show together. I think that is a brilliant idea, actually. People really liked their chemistry. Anyway, back to the important part of this news. Sarah Palin naturally weighed in on Couric’s departure and snidely said “I think I read that in a newspaper, one of many newspapers that I read online.” If you remember, Couric famously asked Palin what newspapers she read and Palin couldn’t answer the question and just kind of stuttered. Couric and her “gotcha” journalism. Palin still hasn’t said which newspaper she was reading. Maybe she should read the BarbaWire. Although I am guessing that she reads the papers as much as I write the BarbaWire these days. Sorry.

Obama Was Born in Hawaii
Given the fervor of the eager birthers, President Barack Obama finally released his long-form birth certificate on Wednesday.
I’ve gone back and forth on this issue – part of me thought he should have just released it at the beginning of the birther movement, but also thought this was just a xenophobic witch hunt against the black man with the funny name and releasing it wouldn’t do much but motivate them to find some other issue. It was the latter. Argh.
Eternal Sunshine
Great news! I can finally forget losing the student council president election in the 5th grade. More.

Father’s Day Is Coming Up. So is Mother's Day. #justsayin

BarbaWire, April 23

Song of the Day: "Pyro" by Kings of Leon

Tornado in St. Louis

A vicious tornado blew through St. Louis on Friday night, flattening dozens of homes and grounding planes at Lambert Airport at least until Monday. Luckily, there have been no reported deaths and only four injuries at the airport. More.

Libya Update
After months of battling for Misrata, Libyan forces are withdrawing and the rebels are claiming victory of the western city. More.
Sadly, earlier in the week two photojournalists were killed by a mortar attack in Misrata. One was Tim Hetherington, an Oscar-nominated photographer and filmmaker. The other was Pulitzer Prize-nominated Getty Images photojournalist Chris Hondros. Please remember to honor these fallen journalists who work tirelessly to bring us images and stories from the front lines. I am in awe of that kind of work. More.

Unrest in Syria
Killing protesters is a brutal abuse of power, but opening fire on the mourners at the funerals of those killed protesters is just plain barbaric and it is happening in Syria. More.

Birthers in Louisiana
There is a ‘birther’ bill circulating the Louisiana legislature and Governor Bobby Jindal said he will sign it if crosses his desk. Wake me up when this happens in a swing state. More.

President Obama Is Taking on Gas Prices

“There is no silver bullet” to solve high prices. Yeah, we know. More.

Thankyouverymuch
There is this Boston burrito chain that I discovered in the fall called Boloco. It is no Chipotle, but it is pretty solid. Anyway, Boston’s mayor asks the burrito chain to donate some food for an event for the city’s bike-sharing program. The company happily obliged and got to work on 200 free burritos. The city then tells the burrito shop it needs a permit to give out free food. Isn’t that a grand ‘thank you’ for the donation? A food fight of sorts ensued and (since nothing really happens until it ends up on the internet) the CEO of Boloco took the fight to Twitter and Facebook. More.

Florida
A guy broke into his ex-wife’s house and fell asleep nekkid in her bed. Even better, this is the second “incident!” I may have already told this story to you in person or perhaps on the Wire, but my absolute favorite Florida news story involved a man getting charged with harassment because he kept taking pictures of his junk and texting them to his ex-girlfriend with the caption, “You’ll miss this!” I miss Florida. More.

Thank You for Being a Friend
Ahhh, a dog has a seeing-eye goose. This is just a little something to warm your cold, cold hearts. Although I already know this is going to freak out my friend – we will call her AnnieJo – because she was once chased by a rabid flock of geese. Even worse, she told me about it. More.

I'm Only 'Kid'ding
Gaby Rodriguez, a high schooler in Oregon faked a pregnancy as part of her senior class project. She wanted to experience the treatment that a girl goes through when she gets pregnant in high school, particularly when the girl seems like the “unlikely to get knocked up in high school” type. My favorite line in the story comes from her best friend who didn’t know about the hoax and said, "Her attitude is changing, and it might be because of the baby or she was always this annoying and I never realized it." I bet that friendship is going to get awkward now.
The story is an interesting read and terrifying at the same time. Slightly more than half of all Latinas will get pregnant before they are 20. I’m going to light an extra candle at Easter mass for my younger cousins tomorrow. More.

BarbaWire, April 20

Song of the Day: "Mary Jane" by Rick James


"Birther" Bill Goes Too Far

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer vetoed the “Birther” bill on Monday, saying it “goes too far.” As you remember, Arizona lawmakers passed a bill last week that would require presidential candidates to provide a full-form birth certificate or a certificate of live birth accompanied by a baptism record or a circumcision certificate or some other kind of document. I knew Brewer would eventually do something that doesn’t endanger the muscles in my eyes from frequent and vigorous rolling. It was actually a two-fer, too! She vetoed the bill that would have allowed guns on school campuses because it was poorly written. More.

Boehner is Party Pooper
Speaker of the House John Boehner has a problem with tequila shots and sombreros, because he has decided to break a sorta old, bipartisan tradition of the Speaker hosting a Cinco De Mayo party and has told the Hispanic Caucus that it should host it. Doesn’t he know that Cinco De Mayo is like a major American drinkin’ holiday? Apparently he hates America. More.
Cinco De Mayo, of course, is a minor Mexican holiday that celebrates the Mexican victory over the French, but we all know Americans have adopted it as an excuse to set up shop at a patio (finally!) and just get inappropriately drunk. I am most happy when Cinco De Mayo and the Kentucky Derby coincide. Mint Juleps segue perfectly into tequila shots.
Still, I have to wonder how much of this relates to the politics of immigration reform. Boehner had no problem hosting a St. Patty’s party. More. #justsayin


Tastes Nasty Now
Chain restaurants keep getting little kids trashed. It has now spread to Chicago, where a four-year-old was served a mudslide instead of a milkshake at Chili’s. She is so darn cute when she says, “It tastes nasty.” Silly child. More.
Funny story time: I have this memory of my dad drinking what looked like iced tea. I asked him for a drink of his tea. I was probably five or six. It wasn’t tea, it was beer and it, too, "tastes nasty.” If my experience teaches us anything, that kid is going to love her some mudslides in a dozen or so years.


America's Credit Score
There is a one-in-three chance that America’s credit rating is going to be downgraded in the next few years. That’s not good; that’s the equivalent of having bad credit. It makes it hard to borrow money and it also makes it more expensive. Does this mean we are going to have to move back in with our mama and get a prepaid cell phone? More.


Galaxy V. iPhone
Apple is suing Samsung because they say Samsung’s Galaxy phone and tablet is a rip-off of the iPhone and the iPad. If Apple is so motivated to sue, I wonder if this means that the Galaxy is just as good as the iPhone. I have some friends that would argue that it is probably better. So, Mr. Smug Apple announcer, I guess you can change your little ditty to, “If you don’t have an iPhone, you don’t have an iPhone but you might have a Galaxy and that is pretty much the same thing.” More.


$%$%!#%^$

Cursing dulls pain, a new study has found. The guy at the pizza place where I had lunch today didn’t need to read this story to know this. He heard a rant that would have made Betty White blush after I bit my tongue. More.
Cursing is really useful in so many scenarios. In addition to dulling pain it also really helps you fix stuff. Or at least that’s what the tirades my dad utters when he is messing with something would lead you to believe. (I am picking on him today because he brought up my wire slacking last night.)

Ick. Nast.
I don’t even want to know. More.


Let Me Talk
President Obama gets sassy with a reporter from Texas. As a reporter, I likely would have made some wonderfully snide remark in response, but I can see Obama’s point – let your source talk! (All my sources just laughed because I think interrupt too much) More.


Awwwwwwwwwww. Cute.

BarbaWire, April 16

Song of the Day: "Combat Baby" by Metric

Jack's Lover
Condoleeza Rice, former secretary of state during the Bush administration, is headed to prime time. Tina Fey said that Condie will crash my beloved 30 Rock before the end of the season and will play an old flame of John Francis Donaghy. Jack hinted in the first season that he was seeing a “high-ranking African-American member of the Bush administration.” I don’t know how I feel about this. It could be awesome like the time Janet Reno showed up on Saturday Night Live. Or it could suck. More.

Santo Dios!
Catholic women live in the modern world. Who knew? More.

Birther Bill and Stumping in Chicago
The Arizona legislature has passed a bill that would require presidential candidates to prove they are U.S. citizens before getting their name on a ballot in the state. The so-called birther bill says that a certificate of live birth – otherwise known as a legal document that is issued by the state – is not good enough. If you can’t find your original certificate, your certificate of live birth can be backed up by other documents such as your circumcision certificate. You get a certificate for that? More.
Meanwhile, President Obama joked about the birthers while fundraising for his 2012 reelection in Chicago. He also poked fun at Chicago Mayor-elect Rahm Emanuel’s temper and gimp finger. More.
CBS Radio News also picked up some private conversations President Obama had at the fundraising events. It is not particularly juicy, but it is always interesting to see what he says off the script. More.

Giffords' Recovery
Newsweek has a great story about the reality of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords’ long road to recovery. While she is improving tremendously, she is recovering from a gunshot to the head. While there are reports that she is already working on her reelection, her husband said that right now recovery is paramount. More.

Crybaby
A kindergartener has been suspended for crying too much. This is ridiculous. I am guessing the appropriate way of handling this would have been to call the child’s parents and tell them to come get their kid, not suspend the poor boy. More.
Funny story time: In the first grade, one of my classmates peed his pants and was able to go home. To a six-year-old, that’s the equivalent of a cougar finding the fountain of youth. You could go home for just peeing in your pants? No way! So, a few weeks later I remember being so bored and antsy that I made up my mind and did it. I peed my pants purposely so I could go home. My mom is still furious.

BarbaWire, April 14

Song of the Day: “Here Comes Your Man” by The Pixies

Bonds Guilty of Obstruction of Justice
Barry Bonds was convicted of obstruction of justice on Wednesday for evading and misleading a grand jury in 2003. He was on trial for several perjury charges, too, but he was not convicted on those accounts. Still, Bonds is now a convicted felon. During his grand jury testimony in 2003 Bonds testified that he never knowingly took steroids. He thought it was flaxseed oil and arthritis cream. Right. More

Taking a Lil’ Nap
Vice President Joe Biden usually embarrasses himself by opening his mouth. On Wednesday, he did so by closing his eyes during President Barack Obama’s speech on reducing the deficit. Maybe he was really trying to visualize the savings? Or maybe he was just sleepy? More.

Blame Gaga
A 20-year-old Oklahoma woman killed and mutilated her family’s cat for her Lady Gaga concert outfit. While I realize this woman has problems, I blame Lady Gaga. Lock her up immediately. Send her to Guantanamo! It will be so edgy. More.

Billy Goes to Time Square
Bill Clinton talks about steak and hookers. Ah, Bill, I miss you. More.

Super-duper Volcano
The freaky supervolcano that is under Yellowstone National Park and is overdue for an eruption is bigger than it was originally thought to be. Great, like I needed another thing to keep me up. More.

Yes, I Can Hear You
The “Can You Hear Me Now” guy is finally saying something else and gives us an insight into his life. Most disappointing part of the story? He doesn’t wear the nerdy black glasses in real life anymore! Also, does anyone else think he comes off a little smug in the Verizon iPhone commercial? Still, not as smug as the “If you don’t have an iPhone, you don’t have iPhone” guy. What a jerk. More.

RIP J-School
The University of Colorado Regents will vote on Thursday to shutter the School of Journalism and Mass Communication, the college I attended. Journalism is expected to continue on as a degree program, just not a dedicated school. Still, I’m sad. More.
Meanwhile, my alma mater has this going for it. Party on, buffs. More.

BarbaWire, April 13

Song of the Day: "Back in Your Head" By Tegan and Sara

Obama Talks Debt
President Obama is expected to release details today about his plan to cut the national debt through cuts to programs like Medicare and raise taxes. More.

More Business Ethics
Wow, who knew business ethics was such a hot topic right now? First Bernie Madoff says he might teach an ethics course and now a La Salle University professor has been suspended for bringing strippers to an extra-credit seminar. Is this what goes on in business school? I wonder if the girls are paying their way through college? More.

Real Men Wear Pink
In a recent J. Crew’s kids campaign there is a photo of Jenna Lyons, president and creative director of the company, painting her son’s toenails pink. Apparently, he loves pink. I think it is a bit indulged, but Dr. Keith Ablow, who authored a book with Glenn Beck by the way, think this is the end of our civilization because he thinks gender confusion is going to create a bunch of people uninterested (or incapable of) raising children. Easy, buddy. Easy. More.
This story reminded me of two things. First, I have a cousin who is big and tough and has a bit of temper. He is also a big softy, particularly when it comes to his daughter. His daughter likes to play beauty shop with him and painted his toe nails hot pink, too. Well, remember that bad temper I mentioned? One time he got into a bar fight and landed up in jail with those pink toe nails. Awkward.
Also, in the 1990s, I used to leave J. Crew catalogs around the house with stuff circled. My mom would indulge me from time to time! Being a grown-up sucks, but if you’re reading, mom, summer is coming and I need some shorts.

Wrist Size Matters
Wrist size in children might help determine if they are destined for heart disease. It is tied to insulin levels and being big boned. Over the last few years I’ve become kind of obsessed with my wrist size since it was only in the last few years that I could actually wrap my fingers around them. Any time it gets to be a tough reach I freak out. For real. More.

GOP Hopefuls
As I said yesterday, I don’t hate Mitt Romney. Now that he has said that President Obama was born in the U.S. and that Republicans need to focus on other things reaffirms that. More.
Meanwhile, former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty said he is running for president on Piers Morgan's show, but he didn’t mean he is actually running for president yet. Say what you mean, dude. More.

BarbaWire, April 12

Song of the Day: "The Girl's Attractive" by Diamond Knights

Get Over It
Square-jawed crybabies Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss, and their pal Divya Narendra were shot down in their attempt to undo the $65 million settlement they made with Facebook. These are the guys that say they Mark Zuckerberg stole the concept for Facebook from them. You remember them from the movie. They settled a few years ago, but then tried to call a do-over because they said Facebook misrepresented its value. In case you forgot, Facebook has a market value of $65 billion. The judge is pretty sassy in his ruling. I wonder who will play the judge in the sequel? More.
Tyler already tweeted that they are going to appeal.

Cover-Up Crime
France’s burqa ban is now in effect and a couple of women have already been arrested. Their arrests seem largely symbolic, since this law will rarely be enforced, experts said. This seems pretty screwy, anyway. How do you distinguish between a woman wearing burqa worn for religious reasons or someone very bundled up in the winter? Come to Chicago in January – you’ll see a lot of women with only their eyes exposed. #sogladitiswarmingup! More.

Japan Update
Japan’s nuclear disaster level might be upped to level seven…out of seven. It would tie Chernobyl. That’s not good. More.

Mitt-In
Looks like Mitt Romney is going to run for president. I don’t completely dislike him, but I have two problems. He makes it seem like the current economic malaise – ok, the current economic mess – is President Obama’s fault. I hear ya, Roms, some of his programs haven’t worked as well as they should have, but let us not forget how many jobs we’ve lost from the total collapse of the residential real estate sector. Those didn’t happen on Barry’s watch, dude. Secondly, whatcha lookin’ at, buddy? I’m over here. More.

Politico has a good breakdown of the budget.
Read here.

Terrorist Caught
Commit this story to memory and think of it every time you take off your shoes at the airport and prepare to have the TSA sucios check out your goodies. Still, as my friend Kevin once pointed out, catching terrorists at the airport is a little late. More.

Professor Madoff
The Financial Times has a great profile of Bernie Madoff, where the imprisoned Ponzi schemer talks about his firm’s shift from a legitimate business to one build on using new investor money to pay old investors. I've always been curious about that element. My favorite parts? That he reads Danielle Steel novels and might be teaching a business ethics class at Harvard or Northwestern. Hey, if Bristol Palin can push abstinence, why can’t Berns teach ethics? More.